Some plastic army men were the very essence of heroism and fury, injection-molded into an easy, pocket-size form. Others, not so much.
Just The Facts
- If you didn’t have Plastic Army Men growing up, you turned out to be a sociopath.
- If you’re saying “well, that’s not true!” or “but we were poor!” right now, you should know denial and justification are both sociopathic traits.
- Authorities have been notified.
The Rules of the Game
For a toy that’s been around so long, there surprisingly still seems to be no consensus on what the rules (if any) are for Plastic Army Men battles.
Some common challenges:
- No – he can’t die because he was behind this stick.
- Why are you making machine gun noises when he’s got a flame-thrower?
- No but wait, my tank got in the way (move tank in the way).
- You can’t kill him because he’s my captain and you can’t kill captains because they’re stronger than the others and anyway he’s on a secret mission so actually your guy is shooting at nothing because my captain is hiding and he’s only pretending to be dead.
- You’re stupid.
Some common rebuttals:
- No, you’re stupid.
- I’m tired, let’s make peace.
- I hate you !